i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
