Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
