Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
