About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
