I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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