as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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