Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
