Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
