There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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