Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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