I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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