I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
