Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
