The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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