mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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