i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
