I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
