Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
