Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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