These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
