I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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