when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
