Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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