hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
