Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
