The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
