we have pet lesbian snakes
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
