we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
