I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
