my phone cant type all the emotion im having
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
