Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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