my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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