please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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