just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
