WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
