Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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