OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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