i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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