Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
