Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
