Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I love black thongs
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
