standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
