I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
