I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
