if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Green mimosas i think yes
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
