Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My penis needs a shock collar
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
