I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
