I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
