Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
