Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
