I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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