For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
