Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
