Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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