Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
