Apparently you make a good broom.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
