Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
