he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
