ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just want to make out with him forever
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize