Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
