they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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