I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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