I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
