I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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