there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
