I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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