Don't you send me to vm
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
