Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
honey bunches of taint.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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