I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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